I am grateful for grace

I finally, finally got up enough courage to go pick up my grandma's remains. This had been weighing on my mind but a part of me could deny that she wasn't really gone if I didn't have her ashes. I felt like it was time for a little bit of closure.

I am having a hard time dealing with such deep emotions. I feel like losing my grandma has given me strength to finally break free from anyone's expectations. I don't know where this path with lead me. But I know I am walking in light. I am so blessed to have friends who are genuinely good people. Some who have been in my life over 20 years, actually the majority have been in my life at least 14 years or so. And others I am just meeting right now.

I couldn't sleep again last night so I read several blogs. I have such a yearning right now for change. Yet change is scary all at the same time. I read something tonight about being hungry emotionally for the best things and that is how I feel right now.

I am truly grateful for all of the blessings I have. I say that a lot but what does that really mean for me?

1. I am grateful most of all for my Savior, Jesus Christ. For His perfect love and all encompassing grace.

2. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father who knows me. He made me. He made me in His image which is perfect. Therefore I AM good enough. Even when my soul tries to say I am not good enough. I am good simply because I am HIS.

3. I am grateful that I can learn to rely on this grace more. That I can literally lean into Him and He will strengthen me. I have seen this time and time again in my life. How grateful I am for His grace.

4. I am grateful for the grace of others. That love me in my not so stellar moments. Like my cousin who is more like a brother to me and his sweet wife who is like my sister. That they can extend grace to me at a time when I was not gracious or kind. That they can look past the moment and see an eternal perspective. All of my friends have at one point or another shown me grace.

5. I am grateful for the chance I have to learn to show more grace. Especially with my own family. Isn't that sometimes where it is the hardest? That I can see that these bonds are eternal and look at others with more grace. That I can choose light over darkness that was chosen in the past. That I can help others heal and in freeing them free myself. That more light can come in as the darkness disappears. Really all we can do is help the next generation be better than the previous ones. By doing so we can send healing forward and backwards.