I am grateful

I just moved. Again. I had forgotten how both frustrating and cleansing it is to move. I took care of my grandma in her home for six years. Before that though I had moved a lot. I am grateful for the experiences I have had with different roommates. I have learned how to handle different personalities. Most I am still close to even this day.

I have thought a lot lately about what I really value as things and people around me change. One of the things I most value is peace. I am grateful for peace in my life. I am learning to meditate more. I am learning what brings peace to my soul and how each day it can be different. Some days it can be listening to music I like, others it can be writing or talking to a close friend who feels like family.

I am thinking about how I was feeling just a week ago. So unsure and uneasy over yet another move. It was time. Truth be told it was probably past time. There wasn't peace in my life during that time (although I did deal with a lot of huge things like my grandma dying). I had no idea where I was going to move.

So now here I am in my 10 foot by 11 foot casita. I take a shower and do laundry in the main house. I am living not by myself but with myself for the first time in quite awhile. I see the wisdom in it. I tend to absorb everyone's energy around me. I hurt when others hurt and take on way more than I really should. I am learning to turn it over to God. I am learning to trust Him completely. Is it easy? Not always. But compared to the alternative I will take it.

For all that has happened in my life I feel blessed. I am grateful to have AMAZING people in my life. People who are there for all the right reasons. I am grateful to have reconnected with my dad's side of the family which to me has been both miraculous and a blessing. I am grateful to have a safe place to live, a car, a bed, food to eat, love and light in my life. I am grateful for the Light of the World that illuminates all I do. I am grateful that when I make mistakes, which if you know me is often,  He extends grace and each time I try to be a little better and become a little stronger. I am grateful to live in a country where I am not jailed for my beliefs. I am grateful to have modern technology. I am grateful that even in uncertain times, I can find stability through our Savior. That He reaches in and rescues me every time.

There is so much I am grateful for. I could go on forever. So often we focus on what is going wrong in our lives but how often do we focus on what is going right? There is so much to feel blessed about. And even as much as I miss my grandma I have learned to be grateful she is where she is. It would be selfish for me to want her here when her body just couldn't take it any more. I am grateful I don't have to worry about her falling anymore which I worried about a lot. Or worry about her having another stroke or a heart attack. And with this it also gives me freedom to move wherever I want to. I have a feeling it will be Utah but you never know. I made my peace with Utah in 2004 when i felt like I needed to move there. I had no idea the blessings and adventures that awaited me.

So even though I am not certain yet for all of my plans for the future. Even though things aren't quite ideal (really when are they ever?) I can learn to find joy in knowing there is a plan. In knowing there are so many adventures awaiting me. I can find joy in seeing the people the Lord has brought into my life and even taken out of my life. I can have a complete and utter reliance on Him. Knowing that it's okay not to know. This is HUGE for me since I struggle with anxiety and have pretty much my whole life.

So my challenge to anyone reading this (which likely is no one) is to embrace joy. To be okay with change. To know that you can still find peace in the midst of adversity and crazy things in your life. I am learning righ along with you. Keep me updated on your success! Just for today I choose joy!