It's those little things that remind us that we are healing

Healing is hard. I never thought it would be as intense as it is. Maybe that is why, for so long, I put it off. Oh I had gone to counseling, read literally hundreds of self help books and of course scriptures (which I don't regret) but I didn't want to go as deep as I needed to.

I was thinking about where I was a year ago. I am so grateful for the love and kindness of my sweet friend, Kelli, who let me stay with her last year for the summer. She truly was and always will be an angel to me. I was pretty broken during that time. Then I went through even more after my grandma got sick and died. For awhile it didn't seem like it would ever ease.

But it did and it is. Day by day it is getting easier. As I embrace change something I was so afraid of in the past. I heard that living in the past brings depression and worrying about the future brings anxiety. I realized I had spent a lot of time in both places. So now I am learning to BREATHE. I am learning to stay in the moment. I am learning, for the first time in my life, it's not my job to make everyone happy and take care of everyone. That it's time to heal me and by doing that I will be in a better position to help many others.

This has opened a whole new world for me. I am such a people pleaser. I had a very hard week last week. I just wanted to make everyone happy but I was hurting. This breakdown was really a break through for me. I was able to see what I need to change. Though the list may be long I am tackling it. I am working hard on facing my issues head on. It is hard some times. It's not ever comfortable but once I conquer a mountain each vista is worth it. I pray one day that my experiences will help others heal.

My counselor has told me that for all I have gone through, I have turned out pretty amazing. I have thought a lot about why. First, is definitely my faith in Christ. I wouldn't have made it through without Him. No doubt it has been a test of faith and trust. Second, my friends. I have some of the most amazing friends who I love so very much. They have been there through the hardest times. They have been there through the darkest times with their light. Their examples have blessed me in so many ways. So just for today I choose joy!