I am learning

This season in my life feels like rapid fire learning. Sometimes it is overwhelming as I try to keep up with all of it. I have panic attacks quite frequently right now as I am trying to heal from my past. It can be really frustrating at times. But I have faith that these trials will build strengths in me that I can't see at the present time. That is what I am trying to focus on.

Yesterday in church we talked about service. The women giving the lesson talked about how when we allow others to serve us we allow them to act as Christ would if He were in that situation. It is SO hard for me to allow others to help and serve me. I was brought up in a world where you just didn't ask for anything. Maybe it was because for so long my needs were not met. After awhile you stop asking. I realized that most of the time I don't even know what I need. This is such a challenge for me. I can't expect others to help if I can't identify my own needs.

There are so many scriptures that basically say ask and ye shall receive. I know our Heavenly Father is eager to bless us when we ask. Sometimes the asking part can be pretty difficult. I LOVE serving others. I have done it my whole life. Truly it brings me deep abiding joy. Yet it is so hard to let others serve me. I don't want to deprive them of that joy, I just feel like I should be able to do everything on my own.

I am grateful for all I am learning right now. Just for today I choose joy by learning to accept help. Knowing that I am worthy although far from perfect. I can rest in His love.