I Hurt

I am not even going to pretend today. I hurt. I hurt a lot. It wasn't fun being sick on my birthday that's for sure. But what hurt even more was people forgetting it. I always try to remember birthdays. I care about the people in my life. I want them to feel loved. This birthday so many people forgot. I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't matter. But it does and I hurt.

It's not just emotionally that I hurt. I hurt physically too. That is not related though. At least I don't think so. I keep trying SO hard and pushing forward no matter what obstacle is placed before me. I have had friends that were like family turn their backs on me. I have lost my grandma this year. I have lost any source of stability besides my Savior and I hurt.

I debated even writing this. Why should I expose my vulnerabilities? Who really even cares anyway. But today I hurt. I am trying to find that peace and sometimes elusive joy. Maybe that is enough. Maybe it's enough to just keep trying. Maybe it's enough to pick myself up every time I fall. Maybe.

Just for today I choose to try. I choose to try when I want to quit. I choose to try when it seems pretty bleak and hopeless. I choose to try. Maybe deeper than that I choose to be. I choose to still be the daughter of God I was placed on earth to be. Even when I fail miserably. Yes I choose to be and I choose to try.