I mean both on this blog and in everything in my life. Where do I even start? I guess I will start with my conference thoughts. I needed this general conference so very much. I knew it at the time, but I knew it even more the week after. I was disciplined and watched all four 2 hour sessions at the time they were broadcast. I felt so spiritually hungry much like how physically hungry we feel on Thanksgiving excited for the treats that await us. I am going to do more blog posts about conference because some of the talks I want to explore in depth. In fact, I will likely take a talk a post and discuss it and some quotes from it. For now I will talk a bit about what happened the week after general conference.
I had been sick for awhile. I had the coughing junk that went around but that I was use to. I knew the protocol and I knew that whether I took medication or not prescribed by a doctor it wouldn't stop the duration of asthmatic bronchitis. Instead I used what I had on hand and made it through that. I am very grateful that had cleared up.
Then I started having pretty severe pain no matter what I ate. It was so bad that it hurt if I ate jello. It got so unbearable I went to the doctor's office. I was so dehydrated that my pulse was over 130. The doctor sent me straight to the ER. This isn't the first time it has happened either. I, in my not so infinite wisdom, refused to go to Chandler Regional and was on my way to Gilbert Hospital when I had a complete tire blow out. Again. Seriously this is the 3rd tire in a year what on earth is wrong with my car? I called a sweet friend and we left my car in the parking lot at Walgreens and off to the hospital we went.
After much testing they found 2 things wrong with me and started me on antibiotics. One of the things was pretty serious and my doctor the next day was livid that they hadn't kept me at the hospital but I firmly believe everything happens for a reason! It really does! In fact, if I had gone to Chandler Regional which is right by my doctor's office, and they had released me late at night, it would have been 3 or 4 in the morning and I would have had a flat tire. There are always blessings to be found.
The next day my heart rate was still high. Even after 2 bags of IV fluids. My doctor decided that I needed to be admitted to the hospital. To make a long story short I was there Tuesday through Saturday night. They did a test and found my cortisol level to be low. I have had issues with my adrenal glands as long as I can remember. It happens with stress and anxiety and let's just say from birth to now I have had a lot to deal with. They did an MRI or CT scan (I can't remember) and they found a tumor on my brain in my pitutitary gland.
So now I am on steroids (which makes it super challenging since they make me so sick), I have a handful of referals to an endocrinologist, neurosurgeon and neurologist. All this while trying to deal with the pain from endo and also healing from the loss of my grandma.
But I feel blessed they found it. It could be so much worse. It can ALWAYS be so much worse. I believe I had to be in the hospital for them to do this cortisol test. It was challenging because I hate being poked with needles. Hate it. But for this test which they repeated twice I had to be poked 3 times each time. According to a sweet nurse, my veins are like sheet metal. It was always a challenge to get the blood and my IVs kept not working right either so they had to change it out 3 times.
I am so grateful for those who came to visit me while I was in the hospital. And for all those who have shown love since then. I had felt so alone after losing my grandma. It was a blessing to have people who truly care about me there for me. I have been indeed blessed with many angels in my life and I hope to attract more good people in my life. There has been a definite shift in my life and I am grateful for those who have stood by me and loved me at my worst.
I also found out during this same time that my ex fiance, Jeremy, got married to someone he knew for a month online and then 2 days in person. I have so many mixed feelings there. Domestic violence is a complicated issue. I love him as a son of God but obviously not romantically at all. I have a heart that sees the good in everyone and minimizes the bad. I believe we are all a little (some more than a little) broken. I wish him the best. I will also be very careful who I give my heart to next time. If it's not right and the Lord doesn't approve, I know I won't ever be fully happy. As for J, I wish him the best. I hope he chooses to change his life and spread light in the world. It's truly not in me to hate anyone. I hate what he did but I can't hate him. I am grateful that one day I will marry a man who loves me fully and who I love fully. I pray every day to live worthy of the man who will one day become my husband. As cheesy as it sounds I love him already. I feel it will be a beautiful reunion when it happens. And having gone through the bitter experiences I have has just made me appreciate the sweet even more. My future husband will be adored, loved, appreciated and so much more. I know one day an eternity with him will make all of these trials worth it. I just wish today was that day.
